let the waves wash through
displacing the littered sand
bristle of the brain
refocus your sights
look past to the horizon
to the truth beyond
let the waves wash through
displacing the littered sand
bristle of the brain
refocus your sights
look past to the horizon
to the truth beyond
The politicians need to read this…..
yeah i hope they mellow out lol
Nicely done…. One suggestion, if I can; take out the first instance of the word “to” in the final stanza. It makes it much more powerful & clear…. ie,
refocus your sights
look past the horizon
to the truth beyond
It’s very good, as is, but, losing one word makes it even better, imho…. Well done, in any case….
gigoid
yeah it is better without the extra ‘to’…
what do you think about “look past the horizon mist” so it still fits the haiku form? thanks for dropping by ^_^
That’s a nice addition, better than what occurred to me, to add ‘ing’ to ‘look’…. I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be haiku, so didn’t say…. either way, it’s good…
🙂
cheers gigoid, means a lot
Superb pair, Josh.
❤